Nightness

Somewhere through the darkness 
Light breaks through 
Just to tell me something.
Light showed me something incredible
And the dark had nothing edible

And then I asked 
Why darkness?Why can't you show me
What the light can show me.
Then the dark said 
The dark and the bright doesn't differ
Its you who define us different.
Ask yourself which side to choose

The one that you always see or the one that you never see...



(picture courtesy Van Gogh-Starry night,Les alpilles)

Journey with Google Maps

It has been a while since my journey.I had a sort of emotion while i was on my journey,but now it is somewhat lost.Recollecting the trip is a little tough and hard but it was one of the best memories that i had in my 22 years.

Joseph C J ... brother without you this travel would have been impossible.The whole credit goes to you buddy.Your 125cc Hero Glamour,your willingness to say yes to me when i asked you to come,and together we have achieved the impossible.Yes,it was a very crazy and foolish ride,i admit but for me and CJ  it was one of the greatest motorcycle rides.I would also like to mention two more names,Arshi and Shalin,without your invitation i would never have come. I was in a fifty percent mind whether to attend the Asapian get together,one of the reasons being the distance.But the love,care and attention of the malabarians is unavoidable.

Exactly from Punnapra to Muttil the distance is 303 kms as of google maps;i.e 606kms altogether.I was freaking out of my mind.Are you crazy?i asked myself. Manzur said we won't make it.Vishnu said "Ninakku @#@$@. aada".And many of my friends said i went just to see someone. Criticizing got me all mad.I decided to just do it.It wasn't for anyone that i did this trip.I wanted to move out and take a trip to forget some depressions.Eagerly waiting,the get together was called and i accepted.

10th of June,i was in my home doing my daily routines i.e eat sleep drink.These whats app people are killing me.Always texting blah blah blah.Was getting real tired of their shitty messages.Then suddenly Arshi texted."As we planned earlier,tomorrow we will get together at wmo again.Be there."
What?Get together again?Wmo?Shit i'm trapped.I was in a dilemma of confusion.What do i do?A lot of things came into my mind.Go by bus,train,or bike?Or whether to go or not.Those 21 days are immortal.They would never die away from me.And finally i decided to go on.


I called Sabi.He said he would come with me.I was happy he's coming so i needn't worry.He said we would go by train and his uncle who has just arrived from Nepal will also accompany.There were no tickets available so it will be a hard 2nd class train ride.I started to pack somethings.There was not much but i took some essentials.(jockey,cibaca,colgate,etc...).And to my luck sappu called and said "അളിയാ ഒരു പ്രശ്നം ഉണ്ട് നാളെ എനിക്ക് ഒരു ടെസ്റ്റ്‌ ഉണ്ടെടാ അതുകൊണ്ട് എനിക്ക് വരാൻ  പറ്റില്ല ".(bro i have a test tommorow so i won't be able to come with you...)Fuck.completely lost control of myself.I didn't speak much.I said it's okay man i'll manage.He could have said a little earlier.What will i do now?




Time was ticking.The clock struck around 5.30pm.I called arshi and said "i won't make it".She became angry and engaged the phone.Perfect!!!Just perfect.God show me a way.There is not much time.The meeting was planned next day at 11 am.Around 16 hours left.My bike was in trivandrum.There is no way i could bring it back from there in time.I wondered who else had bike.Many came to my mind.But no one would say yes to me expect one."CJ".I called him and said:"Man are you free tommorow?"He said:"yes da",I asked again"are you free the day after".He said :"yes"."And the Day..."What the hell do you want?"he said.I said to him that there has been a reunion arranged by my asap camp mates in muttil,so can you come with me?He paused for a sec and said yes.It was all planned and set.We decided to move out at 11pm in the night.And so we set off on our journey.

Just before leaving manzur came and handed over his helmet.He said we won't make it in time and we'll be exhausted on reaching there.A friend in need is a friend in deed.We were in a dilemma of what we would face during our night ride.Police,heavy rain,traffic,sleeping dizziness,locals,etc... All the odds were against us.Cj said he have to get back home the next day before 11.59pm.We had all the plan set in our mind but whether it'll work or not is up to fate.So we trusted ourselves and rode.

We started from my home exactly at 11.15pm.Manzur was there with us to say adieu.I knew that that the roads would be-hard and it'll kill our backs so for an extra cushion i took my blanket and placed it on top of the seat.We agreed to ride the bike 50kms each simultaneously.


I kick started the journey.The first 50kms were simple.Roads were almost empty except tankers and vegetable lorries.We quickly passed Alappuzha town and headed towards Cherthala.We didn't take much water with us other than a 500ml bottle.And it was a cool night so,there was wasn't much need of water.But we drank to keep our selves hydrated.

One the worst fear was getting sleepy while riding.Keeping that in mind we took a 5min break and some refreshment every 50kms.Cherthala,Ernakulam,Guruvayur,Ponnanni,
Parappanangadi,Chelari,Ramanattukara,Pantheeramkavu,Kunnamangalam,
Koduvally,Thamarasherry,Adivaram,Lakkidi,Vythiri,Chundali,Kalpetta and WMO arts and science college tazhe Muttil...303+kms...Clearly remembering passing all the places above.Although the places may seem less,its the kilometers that counts.Wow!!! now i sit back and realize it was one hell of a ride.

On our journey we met with some interesting events.Rain was rather an expected guest.You feel like being arrowed by small sharp pins while travelling in a bike at 60kms per hr.And certainly you should't be the one driving.!Another interesting thing was that we became lost.Our hopes were completely depend upon the smart-phone technologies.Unfortunately the signal lost when we reached malappuram bypass.It was a road not taken.We had little knowledge that the bypass was uncompleted.About 20+ kms of rugged road.Completely abandoned highway.Although there were some houses on both sides it was in the middle of 3am.So asking for the route was out of question.Cj asked me whether to ride on or go back.I made some calculations,even if we go back there is chance that we'll be down on fuel and our tiresomeness would increase.I said lets move on.And i was not mistaken,within some kilometers we were able to see the smooth road.

There was an incidence when we nearly went under a timber-lorry.It was a magical escape.Yes these kind of things occur in a motorcycle ride.But the thing is that even though there were many obstacles we reached muttil at 8.00am sharp.



We quickly got ourselves refreshed with the help of shukkur ikka,who gave us a place in the college.After that we had a small breakfast in the nearby hotel.My camp-mates would be arriving by 11am,so we had plenty of time to see some places.We went to the nearby earth-dam named Karappuzha and spent some time seeing the wayanadan wonders'.After that we got back to the college and met my campmates.They were all astonished on seeing me visiting on a motorcycle.They didn't expect this kind of craziness.But i never regretted.It was a ride of a lifetime that is to be felt.

Our time for return was nearly approaching.Before that everybody had a nice lunch together.I said goodbye's to everybody.I spent sometime with them.Everybody got their course completion certificates.
At 2pm our return started.The way back was a little stressful and complicated.We had to reach home before 12am.This time the rain got stronger and wet us completely.There was not a single place that the water didn't get through.Water water everywhere.!Entirely exhausted our minds also started to flutter.One night's sleep.Road tired.The ride took out the best from us.Harder the journey more stronger our minds became.This is one of the main reasons that i chose CJ.Because from my friends circle he's the only one who has this deep commitment and patience.



On our ride down the churam, we saw one of the most extraordinary view.The fog!Not a thing was seen in front of us.It was just 3pm and the sun had already vanished.The vehicles turned on their parking lights and drove.Literally nothing was seen on the road.It was simply breath taking.I took my phone and shot the video.This view reimbursed our minds with delightful thoughts.I realized that if i hadn't got on with this journey i would have missed "an idivettu pooram" by god almighty himself.Thank You Lord!

We rode and rode and rode.The destination seemed to be farther as time passed by.I made up my mind to ride until guruvayur from kozhikode.A staggering 100 kms single hand ride.And it was the peak time between 5pm and 8pm.But i reached on 8pm itself at guruvayur.The ride took what was left of me.Now it was time for CJ to finish what we started.He took the bike from me and drove continuously.After a while i asked him to hand over the bike.But he refused and rode on.I knew from the moment that CJ is stubborn to reach home in time.

I never asked again,he drove through 3 districts reaching my home before 11.55pm. We were wet like who were in the water for a long time.I was delighted to be back on time.Like we agreed we reached before 12.00am.The timing was perfect.CJ dropped me off in my home and went to his house.The first thing i did was drop off all the water that was inside my boots.I looked at my feet and realized that it was completely frozen and dead.I was shivering and my body temperature was  below normal.Hunger was long gone.And things became more brighter when the certificates which i got from from the camp was partially worn off.Although there was some left of it.

I am completely lost after writing this.It feels like i have again gone through the hardship and pain of the ride again.Guys believe me it was a ride that i'll never forget till my last breath.As every other thing that has happened in my life this journey was a memorable and mentioning one.

What a wonderful life !I am grateful to my parents who made me what i am today.Papa and Amma this one's for you guys.Love you.

Mental Illness

You need to get some kind of inspiration to write something.My friends i am not a good writer,i don't even know the basics of English Grammar.Sometimes I don't know what i am trying to say.Stubborn!!!


My previous articles have received a lot of critical appreciation and humor from a lot of friends.I would like to say a big thank you for supporting me all this way.Its for you guys i'm dedicating my blog.

A lot of different themes,ideas,concepts come meet and run away from me.I try to stop them and put it to letters,but every single time i say "next time next time next time".But at times i feel alone and there is no one to talk to express i just put it on keyboard.Oh this tiresome depression is not the one for me.And sometimes i just wander around thinking about a lot of stupid things that happen around me.What i want to write is something happy but the fear of sadness hunts me down.And when i say humor it naturally ends up in tragedy.


Time practically heals almost everything.Make peace with your past.I always wonder why me? why nobody else?But after sometime i just stop searching for answers.It just takes away my happiness.But i don't know from where i get it,i just find peace and happiness eventually for sometime.The other day i came to hear about an incident that occurred near us.

I went to a shop to buy something.I was standing there and talking to the shop owner.Then an old lady who was in her 70's came to shop and talked to the shop people.She was very afraid and hesitated to look others.She kept a distance while talking and i could see a lot of anxiety in her gestures.I was curious to know about her story.She left the shop and started walking.Then the shop man said ,"She's a poor lady who lives nearby.Her husband died a few years back and they had no children.Last year she was raped by a man who broke into her house".

I was struck.I didn't expect to hear a thing like this I felt deep sorry for that lady.I just wanted to cry.I didn't care to ask more about her.I don't know why i told you this.Feels like everyone should know a lot of incidents like this happen near us.We just don't care to look into it.For people who do these cruel acts,they have a mental sickness.They are not normal humans beings.They need help.I don't know what i can do to stop these kind of cruelty.Maybe i can't do anything other than writing this.Don't know what to say more.

Petrichor

The meaning of the title is "Smell of the rain".It's the first thing that we sense when rain falls on the ground.Everyone one of us have felt it.Do you remember the first time you felt it?You don't right?The same here.I don't remember when i first felt it.But i always have the sense when it comes.It's a beautiful smell and always brings you nostalgia.


I was trying to remember back my old days.The days of my childhood.The days i always try to remember.The sweet memories.I was happy back then.What happen when i grew up?What did the world had for me?I was promised that i could dream of anything.I was shown the full moon and asked whether i want it?I could do anything that made me happy.But society and people made me change.There followed a strict routine for me.I was compelled to change.Dad and Mom if you guys were here....

Being a fatherless motherless child is difficult.I try to escape from my past memories.The dark days,the days i was alone and afraid.It was more that a teenager could inhibit.Why me god?Why nobody else.Why did you choose this path for me?Then my mind set suddenly began to change.I started to acquire what this world offered.I was free.I could roam everywhere.And i'm still roaming.It's just that being at a single place pulls me back into a prehistoric dungeon.The concept of god began to change.I believe in Christ,I believe in Allah,I believe in Rama,I believe in Buddha,I believed in religions which help people.I believed in people who help others.I believe.

There is not much i have left to say.Right now i'm satisfied with what i have.Try to be happy with small happiness that you have.Life is your's,make smarter and healthier moves.And never regret the things that happened with or without reasons.I feel sorry for everyone who has lost a loved one in their life.Just think that they are more happy than they were in earth.And don't get too over conscious about your future.Those things are never in your hands.Be more confident about your present.I am not good at reasoning but these are some of the things that my life teacher taught me.I'm no one friends this is the simple me.

And the question still remains.Why did i let them go?

I had no intention of writing. I had no emotion. I was completely feeling numb. I didn't hesitate to speak. I spoke useless words. I didn't know what to say. I didn't feel like talking. I just couldn't bear the sight. I was panicking. I was restless. I was foolish. I blamed myself. After that I regretted everyday asking the same old question. Why? Why did I let her go?

Things get complicated when it comes to women. I was trying to be a normal guy, but she deserved someone special. I knew I didn't stand a chance, but it was worth a try. I hope the curious guy inside me never quits because this is not the end. The word ‘I’ is being used more often, have to dictate.

Sitting in this boring room I thought of all the women that passed by my life. What uniqueness did I see in them that no one else could? I started to cross a pattern. Thin,lean,fair,white,long hair, short height,Hindu,Christian,aged,young,tall,intellectual,compassion,caring,helpful,loving and they never lacked anything from the common womanfolk,but were they all satisfied with me? The question still remains…

I wanted to ask them all but they all left me without saying goodbyes. If only they had told what I lacked I would have made up for the next. The thing is that I have learned so much from them and still is continuing learning. Girls you people complete me.Thank you for making me who I am today. Thank you for inspiring me for this article. And thank you for I would never have to see you again.

Adios Women Amigos. 

Shangri-La

The story i'm gonna tell now is something very fictional and creative from my POV. Resemblance of places,names,characters and events is unconsciously intended.You may call it as a story or my vision.I don't even know from where i got the title,it's just like DEJAVU. 

Sometimes it gets lonely inside.Feels like the whole worlds unfit for you.After some important life events i got the slight sensation of what!!! yes i like to call it Unfrequented.As it is the synonym of Lonely.Then unconsciously our mind starts to panic.The inner-self is desperate for answers.Then he makes me look for emotions that he lacked.Alas,starting to fall off the topic cliff.Come back mind!!!You don't want spontaneous emotions overflowing through the topic.

You never know what surprises life has for you,but certainly never miss an opportunity.What i am going to tell is the story of a promising young boy and girl.And you guys may be thinking why such a description for them.Well let me tell you something.I don't even know why.I don't even know why i'm writing this.God it sucks to without a companion.Yes dear ones.It definitely sucks to be without a companion.And please don't let me be misunderstood to be a loser,i chose the path.


God!!!Again back to the story.They fall in love,gets married,have kids blah blah blah,the usual.The End. Hahaha no that's not our plot.What does every body deserves after a long life working through shift hours.Retirement.They get old they get lonely they want some peace and all they're asking for is a place to retire.Basically him being a former world traveler and she being a lead band girl you may assume that they are rich enough to buy a luxury sea side apartment in vegas bahamas or whatever place those rich nerdy old couples go.But our dear ones have read Frost and they have taken "the road not taken".

Shangri-La.A place far away beyond the fields and valleys,above the skies,below the ocean.Yes you're guessing it right.No where.The place is no where in the history maps,but only to be found in Sir James Hilton's 1933 novel Lost Horizon.It's a wonderful place.I'm not sure if they're happy or not because the characters are complicated.They are adjustable and won't tell their difficulties to anyone except themselves,So we can can presume that they're happy.They walked through the dark never ending forests,Drank from oasis and leaf tops.Ate berries and bananas.They started to feel like Adam and Eve,but with clothes.They changed their names to something both of them liked."Lovely" the man called her,"Jacque" the other.They made a beautiful palm house.The made new animal friends.A dog,Cat,Parrot and someone very unique.A Guinea pig!!!Of all the animals they had an extreme fond for the little guy.They sang throughout the day,Danced in the Fire and loved each other.Picture Perfect.


There is no villain in this story,because i always like happy endings.They lived caring,loving and sharing each other for the rest of their lives.No mortal force could stop their affair other than the supernatural.Yes,the day finally came as death came and took them towards the distant horizon.They finally left the Shangri-La never to return.But one promise was kept.They left together.They kept the promise every lovers broke i.e never to leave each other.And so they story continues as they pass on to the afterlife which i haven't yet seen. Shubham.

Condition. A Serious Condition

I believe sex is an inevitable part of human biology, without which there won’t be any reproduction. Teenage is hard and very difficult to cross by. I just don’t get it…people from everywhere in the globe graduate post graduate or even drop out of college. Although some buddies don’t even get the basic education to fulfill their desires and yet they still live .The fact I don’t get is that even if the students have a difficult time during college they cross the barriers and with fantastic marvel they cross. Yes I got stuck for a moment I typed  116 words up until now and I just lack creative writing even though a “promising” final year graduate, oh yeah right :P .Ah just can’t think much, speechless as some may say in a public speech or type-less as I’m currently typing right now. The inner I is prompting to say FUCK!!!

Restless, arrogant, stupid, foolish, numb thinking of all the words which best suits me and hah yes as you are thinking right now “what the fuck is he trying to say”? Listening to some random Mozart Beethoven Vivaldi shit I’m just not satisfied with myself. Is this a condition or is this a serious condition. Voices inside my head says “yeah, he should read this, she should read this or somebody from the third gender read this and yes please feedback by reading a useless worthless piece of paper with English grammar and pronunciations properly edited using Office Suite 2013 .Yes make up my mind finish what you were trying to express. What you have started should be brought to an end by you. May the unseen thrust upon me his BLESSINGS!!!

Can this be published? Are the contents valid? Will the DMCA pass me from copyrights, wait there’s nothing I have stolen. It’s just genuine. It’s just the simple me. It’s just too hard to explain. It’s just complicated. Emotions of anger, faith and depression portrayed in three paragraphs. Just trying to evaluate myself .Should correct myself there is no Google auto-correct. I have seen people like me they talk they express they write they type and they are all unique. They are my fellow human beings, all look the same with different soul. You may get a slight feel of comfort after expressing yourself to something. But in the end being with somebody close is comforting rather than being alone or the other way around by being lonely to oneself and comforting with the inner “I“ self. It’s just a damn big question whether “to be or not to be that is the question”. Thank you Shakespeare.

I Believe I Can Fly

Suddenly I woke up and realized I was stranded in an empty space way in between the clouds. I could see the clouds running by my side. Utter silence not pin drop of voice heard. My mind started to make those so called “soul voice”. He said “where in the fucking world am I”? And I echoed the same phrase “where in the fucking world am I? “.

The world I woke up was a different one. People: nowhere to be found. Animals: none to be seen. And I wondered why I was not breathing. I felt my heart beat and it seems dead. No anxiety. No BP. No stress. I worried about nothing. Am I dead? It seems so. But I didn’t have the feeling I was. What next? I looked in every direction. What the holy book taught me was to search for God. I started walking but to where and for what purpose. I realized the difference between heaven and hell was not valid here .The sensation of fear was long gone. Does this mean that I am free?

I cried out loud “help! Help! Somebody please help me…” Wait why am I crying? There is nothing to be cried out for. I am not in any danger. The earthly words I used was useless here. Then how will I communicate. The definition: for an effective communication to take place there should be a medium and receiver on the other end. But in this place where is the medium where is the receiver? And where is the other end? I tried to close my eyes and tried to make myself unconscious. No stop!!! Why can’t you be here? It’s a different place. It’s a different experience. It’s good.

Does being here make me happy? Why am I not getting any emotions? Completely lost. It’s not drugs .It’s not divine. It’s not creativity. Then what is it. I was asking too many questions to myself. Maybe I should keep quiet. I decided to meditate for some time. I crossed my legs closed my eyes stretched my arm’s sat erect and searched for something. It took me to a psychic stage. I was losing control of myself. Falling into a hollow that didn’t seemed to have a way back. I was flying. No I saw myself flying through the reflection. The reflection scattered and I land my head on the ground first. I was back!!!

Reality was painful. Hitting the forehead on the ground was the first. But more pain struck as I looked back at the things that went by and the things that was to come. Shit… but yes shit happens and living through all those shit is the purpose of life. Earthy morals and beliefs came back to me. Nothing much to be said about the real world. Those 7 hours seemed like 7 minutes but it was one of the best sleep I ever had. I wished I could sleep for eternity like that. I hope science could take me to that cryogenic stage.

 Lot of thinking got me to the answer … BELIEF … BELIEVE … FAITH … HOPE …. My unconscious took me there, because he believed .And like him if I believed I could be there. Stop this writing and starting believing. Believe me reader, believing does make a change.

SENSE OF RELIEF

I WAS WALKING THROUGH THE JUNGLE
SUDDENLY THE FOG SURROUNDED
I COULD SEE NOTHING
I HAD A COLD SENSATION
SOMETHING MAGICAL WAS GOING TO HAPPEN

IT WAS THE GHOST
HE OR SHE, I DIDN'T KNOW
BUT IT HAD SOMETHING IN ITS HAND
I ASKED WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
IT HANDED A SCROLL
WITH SOME NAMES SEEN
ME???

I FELT NUMB FOR SOME SEC
WAS IT THE TIME FOR ME TO GO?
I ASKED AGAIN 
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
POINTING ITS FINGER-LIKE GESTURE 
TOWARDS ME!!!

I CLOSED MY EYES AND OPENED
I COULD SEE PEOPLE WHO LOVED ME
I SAID TO IT GO BACK FROM WHERE YOU CAME 

AND COME WHEN THERE IS NO ONE LEFT IN THE WORLD 

WHO LOVED ME...